Here We Are
by Ilandere Okami
Summary: Near was always the observer, trying to understand Matt and Mello's relationship, who these two really were. It took until the both died for him to recieve the final solution to this life-long puzzle, though. Character death, MelloxMatt, Near POV oneshot


**Here We Are**

**Author's Note: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, NEAR! This is the third and final edition to the Matt/Mello/Near birthday fic trilogy. The first was Mello, second Matt, and now Near. Each one tells the same exact story, but from each of their POV's, meaning each one is different on many planes. Mello's had slight shonen-ai between him and Matt, while Matt's canceled that out, more or less. This one…well, I don't want to ruin the story for you, but their relationship is explored. Mello's and Matt's were both quite Mello-centric. This one is no different, but w/ a lot more Near in it.**

**Now, before you begin reading, please know that I hate Near with a burning passion. He cheats, walks in others' shadows, and used Matt and Mello. Also, I love Mello. ^_- So, I'm trying to remain neutral while writing this, exploring his character, which I've never done before. Each of these birthday fics were exploring their characters, Matt's especially.**

**Also, each of these one-shots has a different way of communicating and writing. Mello's was most likely in his memoirs or something like that. Matt's was obviously a letter to Mello that he never gave him, but Near reads after they're both dead. This one…I decided to be journal entries. Seems like a Near thing to do…sorta.**

**The song this one-shot is named after is "Here We Are" by Breaking Benjamin. The others were Mello: "Until the End" also by Breaking Benjamin, which I really think is his song; and "Nothing Ever Dies" for Matt, by Kamelot. "Here We Are" I think applies to Near and Mello's relationship quite well, and perhaps Matt and Mello's too. I picked the song several months ago. Also, I have a Music Video Design to this song, which you can find as a story on my profile: "Here We Are – MVD."**

**Warning: Character death, duh, possibly shonen-ai/yaoi, and Near's twisted thoughts. Wish me luck w/ those… ((Also, do not kill me for choosing which country Near comes from. For him, I thought the stereotype of the country against his character would be ironic. *sigh* And through research, River can actually come from the country.)) I also might've slipped in a few laugh lines, but this is mostly serious.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note. However, I do own the thoughts behind this trilogy. ^_- I also do not own "Here We Are" by Breaking Benjamin, a really good song. Oh, and I don't own **_**Another Note**_**. XP**

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_**Excerpts from the journal of Nate "Near" River, found beneath papers and files, among which were a memoir-like manuscript and another manuscript of a serial murderer case both written by the same late man, Mihael "Mello" Keehl, and a bloody, ripped, crumpled letter signed simply "Matt."**_

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_January 24, 1998_

Currently, I'm on yet another train off to my fourth orphanage in five years. This one has lasted even less time than I anticipated. With easy calculations, because of the larger size, and because the staff takes care of more mentally challenged individuals, those running the facility would have a much easier time with me.

Of course, they took care of those who were mentally and physically handicapped, which I, by no means am.

So, I am now being transported to yet another orphanage, accompanied by one of the staff members from my new "home." He is a young man who has only just recently started working there. Right now, he is asleep, and thus not talking. He wouldn't stop, except for a breath here and there, before. I am glad it is quiet now.

He also kept asking questions, like why was I being exchanged so much, and where my parents were—if it wasn't too painful for me to talk about it.

I never answered. They think I'm mute now. I just don't think that he is worth my breath. He seems much less intelligent than I, and therefore would be unable to comprehend the meaning of my words when I say that I don't know where my parents are and I don't honestly care.

My father died before I was born. From what, I never will know. My mother died two years after my birth. Died, killed herself, either way, she's in a box in a hole in the ground somewhere in France. She couldn't deal with me. I couldn't deal with her. Suicide seems dirty, though. A gunshot to the head and blood went everywhere. I dislike looking back on that barely formed memory. I don't recall anything from those years with my mother except that blood.

This is why I refuse to wear colors on my skin that would symbolize anything. White is pure, colorless, clean. There's no blood, there's no mess, and there's no emotion. Just as I like it.

_

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_

March 15, 2001

Now I am in my sixth orphanage. I stayed at my previous one for less than a year. Those workers were pathetic. And nobody wished to adopt me either—not that I mind in the slightest. I would hate to be forced to live with adults who couldn't understand me, nor leave me alone. At least at these orphanages, the adults leave me alone in my room.

The only company I need are my toys. They hold no emotion, nor have anything to say against me. No noises are needed, no pain is needed, and no disorder is needed.

My room is small, but there is just enough room to hold the only toys I was allowed to bring with me. I've learned which ones I deem important and which ones I'm able to take with to new orphanages. Luckily, I have been given a room without a roommate, unlike many of those here. I don't need another person to disrupt me.

However, this orphanage seems different. The children here range in far different ages, most just a little younger than I am, but most quite old, old enough to be able to leave. Not only that, but there are actual classes I must attend. I cannot teach myself alone in my room any longer. We are also each given aliases to hide our real names; mine has been changed from Nate River to Near. I cannot begin to understand it, but will no doubt try.

The final major difference is L. I had never heard of such a man before, but now I find him quite intriguing. He is apparently the world's greatest detective. He fights for justice in the world, solving only crimes that interest him. His face is hidden, even from those of us here. Wammy's House, my new "home" trains "gifted" children to be L's successors.

I don't plan to be a messenger of justice. There is no such thing as humans being able to judge other humans fairly. Nevertheless, I may still wish to meet this "genius" L one day. And the only way that I can think of is to either become a great criminal, one that can get dirty and disgusting, so L may capture me—though there are many flaws in that plan I would like to avoid, including the obvious one that L and I would probably never meet face to face—or to become his number one successor.

I'll think about it for a while longer before I decide if it is worth the effort.

_

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_

April 30, 2001

Though I have not met L face to face yet, my plan has been easily set into action. I am the number one successor to his title. I have also been studying his past cases, learning exactly how he goes about solving these, what methods he uses, what kinds of cases they are in general.

It is all quite fascinating.

There are two other people I find fascinating here, though not as much as L. These two boys are about a year and two years older than I am, and are currently the number three and two smartest kids in Wammy's House. Matt and Mello are their respective aliases.

I see Mello as no threat. He believes he is smart, but refuses help, and thus will continue to fail. I, at least, know my limits and know that if I wish to beat L once I succeed him, I will need people around me to do the dirty work.

Matt is quite different. He doesn't try to achieve anything. He lacks any motivation whatsoever, except to watch Mello tear himself apart trying to beat me. Still, he refuses _to_ help Mello. They are roommates, but lack any type of communication. I've yet to see Matt speak—though I rarely speak myself, of course.

I will continue these incomplete observations as I watch these two boys. I will also continue to study L and his ways, knowing that in the future, I will surpass him.

_

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_

December 13, 2003

Distress. I actually can feel distress.

My observations of the past two and a half years are failing. Something happened that I did not see, nor will probably ever witness. Something happened between Matt and Mello of which I am not aware. The most likely time for this was after Matt had left a little earlier from his normal time from the common room—he observers the children there—and this morning when he and Mello showed up—together—to breakfast.

I cannot comprehend what could have possibly happened between the two that would cause a smile to fall upon Mello's worn face. His eyes are considerably more rested, the bags less pronounced. And Matt…I can actually see his eyes. He took off his goggles for the first time and his eyes are brilliant, shining. How can that be? Such a bored person to have eyes that stare at nothing but…Mello.

I do not know what people truly do to comfort one another, to help. I just know the dictionary definitions. And thus, whatever transpired between the two is left to my imagination, which, I am ashamed to admit, is quite weak and not very creative.

_

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_

December 27, 2003

Still, Matt and Mello continue going against all the notes I've taken for over two and a half years. Both smile, which I find rather insulting. Nobody is meant to smile in an orphanage. We are not meant to be happy when we are being pit against each other in a race to the "top," also referred to as L's successor.

I see no reason to be happy with my arrangements in life. I'd rather not be here, but on my own, away from school, and away from Mello.

Recently, he has taken to being more than angry with me. As I've stated before, I assumed he was jealous of me and my ability to put everything logically and without emotion, thus being able to get so far ahead. He also was upset at himself, though I never thoroughly investigated that—because that would require being on speaking terms with the boy, which I never planned.

Yet, now, we seem to be on speaking terms…in a sort of complex way. I am forbidden from speaking to him, but Mello actually enjoys verbally abusing me.

From past experiences at other orphanages, I see no real need to verbally, nor physically abuse another person, namely me. The physical effects are minimal and temporary. I've yet to experience any mental effects, so I have nothing to go on for observing what could happen with mental abuse. Therefore, it is just the same and will not affect me.

Mello should get bored and quit badgering me soon enough. He should go back to his books and chocolate and grades soon enough. He _should_ go back to all that stuff, if my past calculations and observations don't prove false.

But he also _should not_ be communicating with Matt in the way he is.

_

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_

April 20, 2004

Today, I saw blood. I've described my distaste for blood before. I know it leads back to what should be the traumatic experience of my mother's suicide. However, never before have I seen my own blood.

Blood was for other kids to bleed when they stupidly went against physics, jumped from the playground equipment outside, and scraped a knee. Bleeding is something that the other, colorful, tainted children do. Red liquid oozing from my nose, which I can only see in a mirror, is not something I thought would ever happen.

I do not enjoy it.

The only reasoning behind my broken nose is Mello, who was once again outraged that I beat him yet again. In all honesty, I thought he would have given up by now. I cannot figure out what keeps him going. Nobody else I've observed has gone this long without giving up. What makes Mello any different?

I've also noticed that usually, if people are about to hurt other people, others stop said abusive person. There were other children around us, Matt right behind Mello. They all knew what Mello was going to do, judging by the looks on their faces—though I actually…couldn't figure it out, for once in my life. I never expected Mello to outright punch my nose so it bled.

It hurt. It actually hurt. I never would have suspected it, seeing as Mello has refrained from hurting me that badly until now.

I've never seen my own blood, except when I lost my baby teeth years ago. I'm not surprised that it is red and warm. I am not surprised the nurse stopped the bleeding. I am surprised that I screamed when I saw it drip onto my puzzle and I reasoned it had to be my own blood.

It was irrational, something completely unplanned for. How could I scream when all emotions and feelings have always seemed lost to me, incomprehensible? I've never needed to ask myself questions I couldn't easily answer. Mello keeps doing this to me, confusing me. And so does Matt.

_

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_

July 2, 2004

I have figured out, through extensive research and observations, that Matt and Mello are in what is described in simplest terms "a relationship." Normally, I believe that "relationships" are between two people of opposite sexes. Matt and Mello—to my knowledge, seeing as Mello does not fit the obvious gender stereotypes and descriptions—are both male. Thus, I know that their "relationship" is considered out of the ordinary.

It is between two "homosexuals," people who are sexually attracted to others of the same sex. They are not as rare as before, but it is still rare to be "out of the closet," as the very useful internet puts it, at such a young age.

I do know, however, that they are not "out of the closet" and none of the other children seem to notice the "relationship" they have. They merely think the two boys are friends. But I have witnessed the one thing that I know only those in "relationships" do: fornicate.

I know that many consider it morally wrong to sneak into another's bedroom without an invitation, but I had countless bits of evidence that they were "together." Thus, I needed to sneak into their room during one of their times "together."

Though it was very easy to get caught, I still was able to open their door—after convincing another young boy to pick their lock as quietly as possible, as I would never do something so dirty myself—and see the two on one of the beds in the room. There, they were partially undressed and their lips were together in a kiss.

To my surprise—yes, once again, these two have taken me off guard—Matt was on top. Mello always seems to be the one in charge, the one who leads Matt around as one might call a "sidekick." So, why was Matt the one who was taking charge in bed?

This all goes back to Mello's sudden turnaround around December 13 of last year. He had been slowly falling, slipping, into something that I couldn't begin to comprehend. Something happened in private and suddenly, he turned into the Mello I've grown to know—loud, obnoxious, violent, angry—as well as became closer to Matt, which also brightened Matt's mood some.

Did they do this same thing then, or did it take these long months of observations and getting almost nowhere for them to develop their "relationship" enough to be able to have intercourse? I do know that intercourse is something that couples do when "in love." Does that mean that Matt and Mello are in love?

Even if L might have his own cases to work on, and I am supposed to be following those so I may succeed him, this is my own case to solve.

_

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_

December 5, 2004

Exactly one month ago, L, the man who I am supposed to succeed, died at the hands of Kira. As my previous notes—though they have decreased immensely because of my extensive Matt/Mello notes—have stated, I've been following the Kira Case.

Kira, a man who kills supernaturally. And to think that I'm concerning myself more with two boys with a secret "relationship" that I've finally confirmed today.

I was able to confirm it because Mello left Wammy's House. He ran away, to be exact, soon after he and I were told of L's apparent death. Roger proclaimed me the next L because of my higher scores than Mello. Mello got upset, but at least didn't hurt me. I've taken on the Kira case and I know I will beat L at his own game.

So I never met the man. I know that I will still succeed him. I know I will be better than he was, do better than he did. He let emotions get in the way. Mello lets emotions get in the way. I don't. I will remain as calm, cool, and collected as ever. I will not get my hands dirty and risk losing my life, as L did. He showed his face to the wrong people. I will not do that.

And the only other case I ever had myself was finally solved today.

Matt has broken down, has shown that he cares about _something_ in the world. And that something is, was, Mello. Mello has left Matt behind and Matt has already begun what the older children explained years ago what he did before Mello even arrived—and before _that night_.

My first case is finally solved, with only a few loose ends that I should not care about anymore. I can move on to the larger case at hand, the one where people's lives are at stake. I know I will be seeing Mello again. I just hope it will not be in a body bag.

_

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_

January 26, 2010

Earlier today, Matt and Mello were killed. I know it was through a ridiculous plan to help me solve the Kira case. Mello actually helped me in something, let me beat him. I am utterly shocked. Once again, at the hands of these two men.

Matt was killed by Kira worshipers, and Mello by Kira himself—a heart attack and then burnt inside an abandoned church. Their plan didn't go as they planned, but they have helped me immensely. Their deaths shall not be in vain.

I've inspected both bodies and found their hideout. Matt had a letter on him dated from yesterday. He never planned to give it to Mello, though it was addressed to him. It described all the missing links I could never solve. And Mello's memoirs and a few other manuscripts—he did always enjoy reading—were found at their hideout. Again, clues I could never find, evidence that was always hidden, was finally revealed to me. My first case is at last solved completely.

They both indeed did love each other. Mello openly admitted it to himself, more or less. He knew he depended on Matt.

And Matt refused to admit that Mello was anything but someone to help him pass the time until death took him away.

Mello admitted to love, but mostly friendship.

Matt tore down all the illusions Mello built up between them.

Though my case is solved, I still wonder what really went on between those two. I say that I've figured it out finally, but with such contradictory language and explanations…I don't know what to believe. For the last time in my life, Mello and Matt have stumped me. And I won't be getting any more answers to understand them.

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**Author's Notes: Obviously, this is **_**much**_** longer than Matt and Mello's, but those were much different from this. This one brings it all together, gets the real, unbiased story. It's also from Near's POV and I enjoyed it a little too much. This one also has two different stories - Near's AND Matt/Mello's. ^_-**

**I had to make many decisions on this, including what kind of person Near was. I don't know if these are correct observations, etc, but I made him a little less mean than I normally think of him as. He's very...calculative in this. If things don't go exactly as planned ((sound familiar?)) he thinks there is something wrong. I also gave him a fear of blood too, you know, make his character less of a creep and give the white a reason. His reactions to Mello were really entertaining, believe it or not. Now, one of the other decisions was on WHO WAS TOP IN MATT AND MELLO'S RELATIONSHIP. I chose Matt because he was the one who initiated it. Mello, through the other two stories, seems more like he needs Matt than Matt ever needs him. Thus, Matt has developed feelings he'll never admit, even to the grave, and protects and takes care of Mello, in a way. It's sorta confusing and hard to explain, but it makes sense in my head.**

**Did you like the crack at the other two one-shots, PLUS Another Note? I thought it would be entertaining to put in that "other" manuscript.**

**I'm sorry if the explanation behind their "relationship" as Near called it was still...incomprehensible. But I just couldn't decide, nor figure it out! *sigh* Near's guess is as good as mine as to their togetherness.**

**So, again, a happy birthday to Near, who is still alive ((the shock!)). I hope that this was a realistic and non-craptastic POV of him, who I will never be doing the POV of again. I actually tried really hard on this story and it was written before his b-day even came, meaning it got edited before being posted. So...reviews will be much appreciated!**


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